The REDigion Blog

Raising Earnest Disciples (John 8:31)

Step back, Dad!

Segun and I have been friends since secondary school. In fact, we were in the same class in our senior years and walked to school together since we were next door neighbours. In the church, we were both in the choir and often led the youth choir rendition, much to the delight of our parents. My dad, who was the pastor of our church, would use Segun as an example to my brothers who had refused to believe in God. In the next house, Segun’s parents always prayed their little girl would grow up to know Jesus and use her talent for God just like I did.

8When we left for the University, Segun and I never stopped communicating and our friendship grew stronger, despite we were thousands of kilometers away from each other. Segun became the pastor of his campus fellowship in his final year and I was the choir leader in mine. We both served God fervently all through our days in the University and God rewarded our faithfulness by granting us good jobs immediately after graduation.

Now, fast forward five years. It is time to settle down and Segun and I feel God is leading us to get married to each other, but there is a problem. Segun had visited my family and had requested my hand in marriage and my father, with a frown on his face, had muttered ‘Give us some time to think about it’. I wondered why my christian father would be against me getting married to the boy he had always admired. Now, at the dinner table, I ask him ‘ Daddy, why did you tell Segun to give us some time? You know I love him and he is a Christian. You can vouch for him. So why?’

He responds without looking up from his plate. ‘He is Yoruba and I don’t want my daughter to be married to that tribe.’

I nearly choke on my food. ‘But dad, you preach that God created everyone in His image. Jesus died for all tribes. He was not discriminatory. Why should you be?’

He continues eating. ‘That is my final say. No more buts’.

I try to control her anger ‘Dad, I am no more a baby. I can make my own decisions. I think it is high time you stepped back.’

‘I will, after you have married from the tribe God has chosen for you.’ He stands up and leaves me gawking as he walks away.

Back to reality.  I am torn between two worlds. I love Segun too much to let go and yet I cannot marry him because my father says so. If I disobey, who will give me away? If I elope, I will displease God. Should I obey my father, I will live an unhappy life.  This is my dilemma. My name is Chinwe and I need your help.

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28 thoughts on “Step back, Dad!

  1. I think you should give your dad sometime, thereafter you talk to him and have others do same. Since you both are christians, you should commit the situation to Gods hand and everything would be alright.

  2. All4Him on said:

    How sad. The barring reason depicts monumental spiritual myopia. I suggest prayer and persistence. The King’s(Dad’s) heart is in God’s hand. I lost my Dad before I was marriage ready. When I prayed through on my spouse, the only person who gave me an instant nod was my Mom. My siblings (born again pentecostal/evangelical believers each one) as one man all expressed. disapproval owing to rather ridiculous and petty family sentiments. Being a youngest child, I was emphatic, point blank and Gibraltar-rock-firm that this was one decision no one else would take for me. My elder Brother in lieu of my late Dad asked me to halt any progress even though he’s also in the church. None of my testimonies of assurance on God’s will would suffice. He kept me waiting for one whole year. I was still unchanged in conviction. He finally gave up and gave his go ahead. After the wedding she became everyone’s darling. Now reflecting back as a father of three, I’m glad I prayed and persisted rather than flinch, falter and alter. Chinwe count this as a major test of faith. Its scrptural that your family gives you out in marriage. There’s honour and testimony in this. Don’t elope. Don’t become your Dad’s adversary. Don’t garbage him verbally. Be emphatic and unequivocal in your stand. Display parity breaking persistence. I have two young daughters now. I know every dad wants what’s best in the happiness and security of his daughter. Hold on. It’ll come good soon in Jesus name Amen

    • It must have been tough standing with her against your family, but glad to know God saw you through. Your conviction must have been powerful and I think that is what matters. Hopefully, Chinwe’s conviction will last long enough too. Thank you for your input. Very encouraging.

  3. tosin on said:

    Hmmm, dis can really b frastrating, but d good thing is dt ur dad is a christian he’s heart will easily b channged with prayer. Be patient

  4. Amosu Sarah on said:

    Pray to God for divine intervention in the matter, if he is God’s will for u He will change the mind of ur dad to accept him(Segun).

  5. Pearl on said:

    Dear Chinwe, I cannot exactly say I know how you feel, but I can only imagine. I have a friend who had a similar experience. Her parents just didn’t like d guy. There was no reason, at least, none known to her or those of us concerned about her. One thing that worked for Ibi was prayer. Yes! The heart of the king is in d hand of God…. Turn it to Jesus. He knows how best to handle it. As I write, my friend Ibi is getting wedded to d man of her dreams sometime in June. It took them waiting for over a year to get her parents’ approval. They prevailed in patience, perseverance and prayers. And you know what? Their love grew deeper and stronger. If you both truly love yourselves and u are convinced u want to spend d rest of ur lives together, then, just hold out a little bit longer!

    • Wow! That’s an encourgement not only for Chinwe, but also for many other out there in the similar situation. Thanks, Pearl, for sharing.

  6. Ralph on said:

    Do people still worry over tribal differences in this age? Wow!!! I’m amazed @that reality but then….. Gosh!!!! When its all been said n done, its gonna b u, Chinwe ‘n’ Segun against d world. I really wish u mentioned Segun’s stance on this cos he’s d guy here n his love 4 u n willingness 2 wait is key. On ur part, me thinks u should not enter marriage on d wings of controversies, keep reaffirming ur love 4 segun while u 2 pray n hope 4 a change of daddy’s heart afterall, (like already stated) d heart of daddy is in God’s hands!

    • It’s pretty amazing that such things come up even within the christian setting where believers should see themselves as one.But it does happen.

  7. Olododo on said:

    This kinda scenario is not new . Buh d bitter truth is ds – any1 dt sows discord will surely reap bitterness, irrespective of his claims, religious or tribal!!
    I dated my dream woman for 6 yrs without any sinful activity. I proposed to her in the 6th yrs and she gave me a yes after weeks of consulting with God. We started making arrangement to involve her campus fellowship, dlcf. Alas her fellowship leaders said the union is sinful and ungodly – simply bcos i left deeper life for mfm and secondly bcos we didn’t involve them @ the start. I did all i could to convince her that we could make up wit the leaders but she was so scared and didn’t want the matter to b escalated; simply bcos her father is a top shot in d deeperlife system…..so much story…. I’v moved on with my life. God will reward every man according to his/her actions.

    • Church differences can also be likened to tribal differences. In my opinion, if the body of Christ is one, then oneness should be in all ramifications. Once couples are proven to be bornagain, I don’t see why they should not get married. One body in Christ we are. Sorry about what happened to you. Let go of all grudge and live a happy life because God’s plan for you can never be altered.

  8. Kelly on said:

    Time, I say, give it time, your dad will come around when he sees that your mind is made up for Segun. If he loves you, as I imagine he does, and your happiness is paramount to him, and when he realises (as he will eventually) u are going with Segun and no other, my guess is he’ll shift ground.

  9. I guess she should try using her mum to convince the dad then if he still persist she should report him 2 an older pastor I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ the church Ψђåt could talk sense into him…♣ƭћǟπƙs♣ Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ I ( ¯`v´¯ )
    `·. ¸ .·´ 
    ¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ I Love You ❤ this

  10. Tega on said:

    like u said, lets go back to reality. in marriage only what God said is final cos he is the maker of it and he has every right over any of us. he can give away a yoruba girl to a Delta man etc. God is the God of all. so my dear only what God want will stand.
    And when love is involv u just have but one thing to do just obey…..
    God is love, so to love is no sin…. girl pls follow ur heart and go on with u life, marry the man that u love cos its ur time and not daddy time its urs girl.
    all the best girl………

  11. magnanimous on said:

    I would say you pray and get your conviction from God. Then sit back and wait for the Igbo man your dad will bring claiming that is who God showed him. Then this story can begin. this is just an introduction. my ears await part 2 😀

  12. All you need is prayer and patience, God is our only fortress

  13. Pingback: Step Back, Dad! (2) | The REDigion Blog

  14. joshito on said:

    What a sad story!! Well u just ve to be patient wif ur dad! God dat convinced u dat Segun is ur man,wud also convince ur Dad in no distance time. U r not d First and wud not b d Last to experience dis. Challenges dat r worse dan urs ve bin overcomed. So take a little time to pray and fast,Cox from d days of John d baptist till now d kingdom suffereth VIOLENCE and D VIOLENCE ONE(dats u) Taketh it by FORCE. A̶̲̥̅♏ gonna be with u in prayers! Be of good faith sister!!!!

    • Thank you, Joshito. Like you rightly stated, prayer matters most at this critical stage of her life, so also is patience. We hope she overcomes soon.

  15. He is d God of all flesh n dere is nutin dats 2 hard 4 him 2do. Live dilemma 2 him.

  16. truly unimaginable that some parents with their ‘years’ in christianity will still think in such a shallow manner but surprisingly there are still some out there. its so easy to give advice but personally i cant imagine it being that easy for Chinwe o. I know my parents and if i were in her shoes, hmmn, it will be God

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