Through the Eye of Faith (14)
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Dapo never felt sillier in his entire life. What am I doing? “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I mean… just forget it.” He shook his head vehemently. How more confused could he be? Did he think she would just say yes and love him just like that? How would he think someone could ever love or value him? The pain of rejection hit him like cold water on the face. He didn’t deserve love. That was why his mother deserted him in the first place. He started walking away.
“Wait!” Patience called out to him. “Please don’t get me wrong. You are a good man. It’s just…”
“Don’t worry, I understand.” He interrupted. “I am a good man, but not good enough for you. I doubt if I will be good enough for anyone.”
“I was going to say your request was too sudden. We have a marriage procedure here in our church and you would have to follow the steps before you propose.” Not that I would say yes. I have a big baggage you cannot carry. But Patience knew she had to be nice as he looked like someone who was about to fall down a cliff. “You have to see the pastor first and…”
“Never mind. I do not need to see anyone. Coming here in the first place was a mistake as I have not found the answers I need. I doubt if I will ever find it. I wish you the best in life.” He tipped his head and walked away.
Patience felt a great deal of sympathy for him as she watched him join his friend, Kunle, and they strolled out of the church. At the entrance, he stopped and looked back like he had a change of mind, then he turned his head and walked away. Patience felt a quiet heaviness in her spirit caused by the pain she felt for him and the truth that they would never be together. The only man that had tugged at her heart in a long while…
“Are you okay, dear?”
Patience was surprised to see Faith’s mother, Mama, standing so close to her. “Yes, I’m fine.” She stretched her neck to see if she would catch a last glimpse of ‘him’.
“I think he is gone.” Mama had a playful smile on her face. “Don’t worry. He’ll be back. That is how they are. Men… they can be sometimes stubborn.”
Patience shook her head. “No. He won’t be back because I sent him away.”
“Perhaps he needs to find his footing. He looked very upset to me, after he came out of the pastor’s office. There are a lot of things he needs to settle, first with God, then with himself. I perceived his troubled spirit when he passed by me.”
“He proposed to me and I said ‘no’.”
“It’s okay. Don’t feel guilty about it.” Mama patted Patience’s back. “Let him recover himself and he will come back if it’s God’s will.”
“Even if he does, my answer will remain same.” Patience sighed sadly. “So it is best he never comes back.”
“What are you afraid of?” Mama asked curiously. “I know my marriage is not the best model, but marriage between two children of God is the most beautiful thing on earth. I am certain if my husband were born again, I would have been the happiest married woman alive.”
“First, I cannot even vouch for his salvation.” Patience lowered her voice. “Second, I do not have the capacity to bear children.”
Mama could not believe what she just heard. “What! Don’t ever say that again! You have been fearfully and wonderfully made. When God made you, He saw that what He made was good. Who are you to question His work?”
“I am not questioning God. I am only paying for the sin I committed a long time ago.”
“And isn’t He a forgiving Father? Listen, I was only 26 when I married Faith’s father and I married him because I was pregnant with our first child. Yes, I got pregnant and wanted to abort, but my father would have none of it. I was forced into the marriage, but God knows that my Faith is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have had several miscarriages after then due to several beatings and maltreatment from her father, but who knows that? That was my cross to bear. But in everything, God stood by me. If not for Him, I would have died long ago. I endured almost a decade of suffering in silence until God intervened in His own way. See, everyone has his or her own afflictions which we try to hide behind pretentious smiles, but God will always make a way out, even from sources we least expect.”
The door to the office opened wider and Faith stood there, looking a bit lost. “The pastor said I should call you for the meeting.”
Both women adjusted their clothes and walked into the room leading to the Pastor’s office.
“Are you coming in?” Mama asked her daughter.
“No.” Faith sat comfortably on one of the chairs. “I will wait for you here.”
“Okay. Don’t go anywhere. We shall be out soon.”
As both women entered, Faith stood up and pulled Miss Patience’s hand, drawing her back into the room. “Is it true that you cannot have a baby?”
Patience smiled. “I see you have been listening to adult’s talk.”
“I only heard some part, not everything.” Faith looked down with guilt. “I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s okay. You remember the Hannah story I told you in class? God will give me a baby when I am ready to have one.”
Faith smiled. “I believe so too. Can I pray for you?”
Patience tilted her head. She wondered how such a little girl would think such a kind request. “Why not? God loves to listen to little children.”
Faith smile grew wider. She closed her eyes and placed her hands on her ex-teacher’s stomach and without waiting, started praying. “Jesus, I know you love Miss Patience as much as you love me. She wants a baby. Please give her as many as she wants so that one can be my brother. Give her a good husband too in Jesus Name. Amen.”
Patience stood there with her mouth open. How did the 8 year old know the exact prayer to make for her? “Thank you, Faith. I believe God has answered.”
“He has. If He could take Papa away, He will answer this too.” Faith replied confidently.
“I believe so.” Patience opened the door of the office and walked slowly in, hoping with all desperation that God would answer as speedily as she wanted.
Dapo flung himself on his bed immediately he arrived home. What mistake had he done today? If not anything, today had proven that he was not capable to love or be loved.
“What have I done to deserve this?” He repeated over and over.
You cannot love others without loving me first.
God, I try but I fail woefully. Even loving myself is hard to do.
You cannot have the ability to love until you have me. I am love personified.
Love me, Jesus, Love me. I am lonely. I need you. I cannot do this anymore.
Give me your life and the love you seek will come calling.
I surrender my life, Lord. I can run no more.
Now, that’s my son.